I had ended one of my last blogs with may i not go into a long slumber again vis a vis my blogging activity… and then i did.At the time, of writing the last blog, my mother lived with me and now she does not live in this world anymore.

My mother, my beautiful, funny mother and i her rebel first born, who would have thought, that we would be so close one day?


I love you ma. I want to say thank you to the universe, for the chance to be with you for the last ten years of your life. The chance to live together and grow together and witness each other’s lives as you grew from your late 60s to your late 70s and i from my late late 40s to my late 50s .

I love you ma. I miss you every day, I miss you when i get up with a start and then  remember i no longer have to hurry into your room to check on you. I miss you when we have our morning tea, I miss you at lunch, i miss seeing stupid hindi serials with you. I miss colouring our hair together and singing songs together, I miss you painting late into the night, i miss your impish humour that you held on to even in the midst of your laboured asthmatic breath. I miss the look you gave me every time a doc looked at your xrays bewildered at the state of your lungs. I miss you sitting in the garden, waiting for your paan to be brought, I miss your fiercely independent spirit.


I hold you close to me

I release you to be so free

For I am in you and You are in me

Now and forever

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14 Responses to Awakening

  1. I loved her paintings Erica..Someday may be you can share them on your blog! They were truly intriguing, something I have never seen before..Intricate colours and texture..And she used a lot of red..I too enjoyed your mother’s company a few times that I visited you when she was alive. Hugs

  2. kentuckygal50 says:

    Hi Erica, what a lovely tribute to your mother! It got my eyes a little misty!

    I found your blog through the A to Z Challenge … and am a sister minion from another co-host. Love your background!

    Back Porchervations
    1 of co-host AJ Lauer’s #wHooligans!

  3. Miss Andi says:

    Are you doing the challenge this year or “only” reading (a big job in itself)

  4. Shilpa Garg says:

    So sorry for your loss. May she rest in peace. Hugs to you!

    It’s good to see you participating for the A to Z Challenge. We look forward to reading your posts during April. Cheers 🙂
    Shilpa Garg : Co-Host AJ’s wHooligan for the A to Z Challenge 2016

  5. Enjoyed visiting today in this pre-#Challenge Theme reveal day.

  6. Charlotte says:

    I love the ending lines – for I am in u and u in me. I can visual everythin u said in ur post abt her although know both the sengupta ladies for a short times. She lives in u forever… stay blessed always

  7. modhukori says:

    love you charlotte ❤

  8. marnigillard says:

    Erica, I’m so happy I stumbled on your CHAOS blog and then spotted “Awakening” at the bottom. I think I must have missed it last summer. It’s so true we either didn’t get what we needed young or we weren’t ready for it. I did get a beautiful fairy-story book from my mom at age 8. I still cherish this book and love seeing her handwriting and the date (1959) inscribed in the front. She crossed over in ’87, but I know her spirit still guides me. As I dance with the chaos now, I realize how many gifts she handed on and how many I was too timid (or too rebellious) to claim for many years. Only in adulthood were we able to find “friendship.” I’d longed for it from a young age, but as “Mother” she knew her job was teacher not friend. Glad we got there in time.
    I love reading your writing and look forward to more. Is modhukori a word with meaning or a “nickname” or something else? Many blessings, friend. Thank you for the time I know blogging takes!

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